Did you ever see the episode of Friends called "The One with the Blackout?" It's from the first season, and it's where Rachel meets Paolo, the flowing-maned Italian dude who "steals" her away from Ross. Well, there's a moment early on in the episode when Joey gives Ross, who's of course been quietly pining for Rachel, the "friend zone" speech, basically saying that if he doesn't ask her out immediately, he's in danger of being put in the zone. Few may remember this speech—unless you've recently started binge-watching Friends on Netflix like I have—but its content is unmistakably familiar. Like ghosting[1] or normcore[2], the concept of the "friend zone" has been permanently seared into our collective consciousness.
But the funny thing is that the friend zone isn't a legitimate "thing," but rather a male invention. Think about it: Isn't it only men who believe in it/find themselves in it? For women, I'm pretty sure the friend zone is called—let me see if I have this right—being friends. It's not a zone, it's just reality. For men, however, at least for those of a certain bent, it's a villainous act by which they are ruthlessly excluded from the possibility of ever having sex you. Sound about right? Like the Yeti, the myth of the friend zone continues to perpetuate, despite the total lack of evidence that it exists.
Part of this is pop culture's fault—Hollywood has built a steady cottage industry around the plot line-friendly idea of the friend zone—and part of it is the fault of guys—particularly romantically challenged guys—who use it as an excuse for not making a move.
See, there are a lot of guys for whom romance is a fear-based medium. Because of an acute fear of rejection, these guys will wait around for a girl to give them some very clear sign that she's interested. Then, and only then, will they proceed. This basically means that, like Ross, that guy will sit around pining for some woman who has no idea he is even interested. And of course, when she inevitably ends up with someone else, he will lament far and wide about how she "put" him in the friend zone.
What it comes down to is this: some men fear putting themselves out there and being rejected. They'd rather pine away in silence and blame you for things not going somewhere. In essence, they choose passive rejection rather than active rejection. If you're not familiar with this whole set up, well, I have news for you, you've probably been a part of it. At some point there has likely been a guy who, unbeknownst to you, blamed you for friend-zoning him and likely talked some smack behind your back. Rediculous? Yes. So what, then, can be done about it?
One option is to fight fire with fire. Last year the "girlfriend zone[3]" picked up steam on Reddit and Twitter. Basically it's just women saying that a guy put them in the girlfriend zone, meaning that she thought they were friends but then he "stuck" her in a category of wanting her to be his girlfriend despite her lack of feelings for him. It's a funny little tactic to portray the silliness of it all.
I also say we all become anti-friend-zone evangelists. Seriously. Just start telling every guy you know—friend, boyfriend, or otherwise—that there's no such thing as the friend zone. If he argues that it's a real thing, smack him in the head and say it isn't (side note: please don't actually smack anyone). Because it's time to stop having secret expectations of one another and to simply start communicating how we feel. Deal?
Now, of course, if you are interested in a guy, don't be a stranger. Try one of these moves to give him the green light:
Photos: Samantha Hahn
References
Source : http://feeds.glamour.com/c/35377/f/665037/s/475c29b2/sc/14/l/0L0Sglamour0N0Csex0Elove0Elife0Cblogs0Csmitten0C20A150C0A60Cfriend0Ezone0Eguys0Ecrush0Erelationship/story01.htm
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