Wednesday, 17 June 2015

Dating Bad Boys Turned Me Into a Jerk. Here's How I Found Out

Dating Bad Boys Turned Me Into a Jerk. Here's How I Found Out

Over the past few years, I've dated a string of, for lack of a better term, "bad boy" types—pathological liars, cheaters (I was the other woman), and f*ck buddies. It definitely tainted my view of dating, and basically had me thinking all men were a lost cause. I thought the "nice guy" was an extinct species as imaginary as Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny.


But then, I recently encountered a mythical gentleman. He actually made an effort, paid for dinner, complimented me, and wore a shining suit of armor (OK, of Hugo Boss). There were no inappropriate sexual advances during the date or unsolicited d*ck pics afterward. No shady behavior, blow-offs or late-night booty calls. And that confused me. To use animals as an analogy, I was so used to playing animal tamer to a bunch of wild beasts that I had no clue how to handle a well-behaved, domesticated Golden Retriever when I found one.

In a strange way, the tables had turned with this guy. I suddenly felt like the barbaric one, the bad girl with no table manners and a dirty mouth. I was the one spouting inappropriate jokes, who had forgotten how to communicate without all the sexting and crying and game-playing.

And I realized—fast—that I would have to learn how to date again without that drama. It also made me realize that part of the reason I wasn't attracting "nice guys" was because I was not a "nice girl" anymore. I was bitter and angry, and I had begun to think that all men were pigs (last animal reference, promise), and I was projecting a guys-suck attitude. You know what happens when you do that? You meet a lot of guys who suck.

Moral of the story? Even if you're feeling sad or defeated or downright broken inside after a breakup, don't date again until you're ready to see guys in a positive way. Having an optimistic attitude and treating someone like they matter is the only way to attract someone in the same headspace.

Photos: Samantha Hahn

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