If we've learned one thing about Kaitlyn so far, it's that girlfriend just doesn't give an eff: She's welcomed in Nick (to the other guys' chagrin), had a pre-fantasy suite rendezvous (according to the promos), and already Snapchatted the season winner in bed with her (according to a screen-shotting fan). We applaud your rule-breaking spirit, Kaitlyn, but let's check in with how the remaining guys are holding up.
Most likely to become Kaitlyn's BFF and not BF: Tanner
He reads tabloids. He drinks rosé. He's basically two shades away from braiding Kaitlyn's hair and offering to give each other manicures.
Worst display of athleticism: JJ
We all know JJ only ran around the bases with Kaitlyn to be able to go back to the guys and be all like, "Yo bro, I totally just scored a home run with her." Like an eighth grader. Because that's where his current maturity level stands.
Biggest producer fail: This rose ceremony
Who thinks it's a good idea to hold an outdoor rose ceremony, in New York, in the DEAD OF WINTER? Not even a skinny scarf could keep these guys warm. However, watching every one of them try to maintain their "I'm not freezing my ass off right now" face did add an element of entertainment an otherwise mind-numbingly boring rose ceremony.
Best Patrick Bateman impression: Corey
Does anyone else know who this guy is? No, not Josh—the guy behind Josh. He should just get back to debating business card stock and trying to get a rezzie at Dorsia.
Most enlightening job description: Debbie, the two-step world champion
Who says you don't learn things watching the Bachelorette? We never knew the two-step world championship even existed before Monday night.
Best recycled prop appearance: Chris Soules' red pickup truck
Kudos to the interns that were challenged to retool all of the props purchased for Prince Farming's season into romantic dates for non-farmers. Next up: A group date featuring a hay maze lined with hundreds of Pottery Barn lanterns.
Guy with the greatest game: Sebastian de la Cruz
Twelve-year-old mariachi singer Sebastian de la Cruz came off as more of a man in his five-minute appearance than any of Kaitlyn's suitors—even the guy who dropped the word erection into his serenade (cough cough, Nick).
Most questionable judgement: Joshua
First, he wore a red T-shirt with one gray sleeve. Then, he allowed Kaitlyn to give him a half-hawk with a set of nearly-dead clippers. And then, he decided to be THAT guy—the guy that thinks his fellow contestants won't turn on him like a pack of middle school mean girls when he tries to out the villain.
Most generous date-describer: Kaitlyn
"We are going to get to do something that NOBODY gets to do!" Um, kayaking??? Pretty sure I was able to do that for free on my grade school field trip to Holiday Hill. And no offense to San Antonio, but "Europe" it is not.
Most likely to date Kelsey "My Story" Poe from The Bachelor: Ian
In a matter of milliseconds, Ian went from the most confident mariachi performer to the world's least humble man (and not most eligible bachelor, as he so described). He spent the last 10 minutes of his air time rattling off his qualifications to be picked for the next Bachelor, appearing even more like an asshole with each bullet point. Princeton grad, anyone? Former model? Hey, ABC, did I mention I defied death? He also, apparently, paid excellent attention in sixth grade social studies—but working in an Alamo reference does not a Bachelor make. Ian and Kelsey, you're perfect for each other—we all know Kelsey loves a good "story" and we're sure Ian will be charmed by her eloquent usage of SAT prep words.
Photos: ABC
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