I LOVE pleasing my man but I've found it really hard to make him orgasm when I give him any form of oral. I wouldn't say I'm an expert but have never had this problem before. How can I give him a blow job that will blow his mind?
You've already got the most important thing going for you: enthusiasm. No man wants to look down at his partner cringing or not enjoying herself. You want to please him. You want him to writhe with pleasure. And, of course, you want him to finish with an exquisite crescendo.
First, I'm going to give you the bad news: some guys simply can't finish through oral sex. Even if his celebrity crush volunteered to do the job, it still might not happen, so don't take it personally. That said, you still want to give it your best shot, which is great. Here are a few tips to help put him over the edge during oral:
1. Get into it: I know you want to please him, but does he know it? You seem enthusiastic, but you have to show it as well. I'm talking moaning, intermittent eye contact and licking it like it's the most delicious ice cream cone you've ever had and you don't want to miss a drop. Sound effects are highly encouraged and sprinkling with "mmm's" and "ahh's" and "Oh my god's" will be be perfect. This might take some practice, but if you can channel your inner sex goddess and really let go, everyone involved will enjoy the show.
2. Mix it up: Variety is the spice of life and it is certainly the key ingredient to an amazing blow job. You wouldn't stick to just one sex position, so why not mix things up when you're going down? Although rhythm is extremely important, your moves should have some variation. Mix things up by varying between slow sensual slurps, light quick licks and the oh-so-popular head bobbing maneuver. Incorporate all tools at your disposal (hands, lips, tongue, breasts, and the occasional toy or two) until you see what he responds to most.
3. Just the tip: Contrary to what you may have learned from your high school boyfriend (who, if we're being honest, probably learned from porn), his entire penis does not have to be in your mouth throughout the entire BJ. In fact, most of the key nerve endings are actually packed into the tip! Channel your energy toward the most important part and focus your mouth on the head of his penis (let your hands pick up the slack for the rest). Use your lips, mouth and tongue to suck and caress the tip, giving some extra love to his frenulum (this is the small V-shaped area nestled on the underside of the head). This, combined with some rhythmic hand strokes, will truly drive him wild.
The most important tip I can leave you with is to HAVE FUN WITH IT. Despite the misleading name, blow jobs are a) more about sucking and b) meant to be playful and interactive. Try these moves out and let me know how it went: Feedback@SexWIthEmily.com
p.s. Want even more tips? IF you're in L.A., join me Tuesday, June 23 from 7-9 p.m. at the Hustler Hollywood store for "Going Down With Emily", a workshop dedicated to helping you master the art of oral pleasure. Email HHRSVP@LFP.com to save your seat!
Emily Morse is a sexologist, host of the Sex With Emily podcast, and cofounder of Emily & Tony. She has a doctorate in human sexuality and is the author of Hot Sex: Over 200 Things You Can Try Tonight and a weekly cohost of the nationally syndicated radio show Loveline With Dr. Drew Pinsky.
Photos: Samantha Hahn
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